


In Between

by LastHope



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Absentee Parents, Angst, Blood, Consideration of religions, Death, Difficult Decisions, Drabbles, Drug Mentions, F/M, Gen, Heartbreak, Ideation of Death/Suicide, Implied Suicide Attempt, Injury, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Permissive Guardians, Secrets, Some book themes are added, Spoilers, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-05-28 10:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 6,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6326041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastHope/pseuds/LastHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not everything is for our eyes.</p>
<p>Drabble series of moments and missing scenes that canon doesn't include.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is a drabble series for missing/not included scenes from Shadowhunters. A lot of these are already posted on my Tumblr, kixaxstyx, and I'm crossposting here. There are spoilers for the series if you are not up-to-date, and because I am a consumer of both the TV show and the books, there is going to be information from the books added to some of these.

It’s all too much. He’s always kept secrets for Jace, followed half a step behind Jace, broke the rules _for Jace._  Alec’s always resigned himself to the background, because all he’s ever needed was to bask in the brilliance that was his _parabatai._ All he’s ever needed was the ability to put a leash on any schemes of his siblings that seem to be getting _too_ out of hand. All Alec has ever needed was the ability to protect Jace and Izzy, and a good vantage point - from the shadows or not - to take out anything that could harm either of them.

But this. _This_  he can’t protect them from. A monster’s daughter, raised as a mundie,  _dragging_  Jace into her problems. Despite what Isabelle says, Alec would rather Jace be focused on himself, than some girl and her pet mundie that he met less than a week ago. As it is, Alec can’t protect Jace from this. None of this, this,  _mess_  that Jace is allowing himself to be dragged into. The Mortal Cup, _Valentine’s_  daughter, this is all something that the Clave should be handling, something that Shadowhunters more experienced than _them_ should be handling.

Jace, in all his brilliance, is letting himself be blinded by a girl who could very well be playing possum. For all they know, Clary could just be pretending to be a victim, and no one is listening to Alec’s concerns. Instead, they’re throwing him to the wind - as always - in favor of being reckless and expecting him to clean up their mess. 

 _Parabatai_  are meant to be brothers-in-arms. They’re meant to be two halves of the same battle pair, the best warriors in a battle. One is not supposed to be without the other. And that’s how they _had_  been. Before Clary showed up, distracting Jace. Now he’s been relegated from his _parabatai’s_ side, playing the distraction while Jace enters the New York Vampire Clan’s lair with only an untrained fake Shadowhunter as back up who is more likely to get him killed than help. So what if it was her mundie pet that the vampires had taken? She should be waiting at the Institute like the Clave had ordered, not putting herself - _and Jace_  - into danger.

“You know, it’d probably be a lot better if you stopped repressing yourself,” Izzy comments as they head for the entrance to the Hotel she had talked about earlier.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec keeps his focus forward, and scales the ladder upward. There’s darkness ahead.

“Sure you don’t,” Izzy scoffs, and he can hear her rolling her eyes.

“I don’t,” He mutters, though he’s not sure who he’s trying to convince - himself or Isabelle.

As he reaches the top of the ladder, he welcomes the shadows that hide them, if only for now.

* * *

 


	2. Crumbling Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you really feel that way about her, why did you help us tonight?” - Jace Wayland, to Alec Lightwood

He wants to scream. Jace doesn’t understand. _He doesn’t understand._  For all that Jace was a prodigy, he could be unmistakably oblivious to the obvious. Of _course_  Alec was going to help, regardless of his feelings about the walking liability.

_Of course I’m going to help._  Alec wants to shout after his _parabatai._ He wouldn’t be able to  _not_  help. The need to help Jace is ingrained down to his bones at this point. Any sort of reckless danger that Jace decides to stick his neck into, Alec is always going to be right at his heels to make sure that if the guillotine coming down does take Jace’s head off, his is right there in the basket next to it. They’ve been _parabatai_  for seven years, soon to be eight, and there’s nowhere that Jace will go that Alec won’t follow as long as he’s able. He would follow Jace into Hell if his _parabatai_  was so inclined.

And the look in _her_  eyes as Jace leaves him standing there. That smug look, curving her eyes upwards that just scream at Alec that she’s doing this on purpose. Sure, maybe her pet mundie truly had been kidnapped by the New York Vampire Clan, but that means nothing with how proud she looks to be tearing him and Jace apart. She knows exactly what she’s doing, no matter how much she claims to be untrained or to never have met her father before.

He’s done so much, _so much_ , to keep Jace and Izzy safe. So much, and then this girl comes along and tries her damnedest to ruin all his hard work. For years, he has gone along with their rule breaking, going behind the Clave’s back and getting slaps on the wrist just to make sure that those slaps are the most damage incurred from the excursions. Then _she_  decides to take all that hard work and stomp all over it, goading Jace into forgetting everything, and for what? The faintest promise of _revenge_?

Oh sure, she never spoke a word about revenge, but Alec knows Jace, and knows the thoughts lingering in his mind at just a glance. She might not have verbally promised revenge, but Alec knows what the whole scenario implies. By finding the Mortal Cup - even without finding it - they have a way to Valentine, and with a way to Valentine, Jace has the opportunity to avenge his father’s death.

“Come on Big Brother,” Isabelle’s voice is light and teasing as she hooks her arm through Alec’s, gently tugging him off the ledge. “Let’s get back to the Institute, Mr. Repressed.”

He doesn’t miss the flicker of expression through _her_  eyes, as well as her pet mundie’s, and Alec sets his mouth in a hard scowl, ripping his arm from his sister’s with less force than he could have.

“Yeah, whatever.” And he heads to follow Jace’s steps down the fire escape on the outside of the hotel.

He pretends that he doesn’t hear the mundie ask “who pissed in his cornflakes” because it makes it easier to stop himself from doing something that Jace wouldn’t be happy with.

It makes it easier to pretend that all his hard work isn’t crumbling away at his fingertips.

* * *

 


	3. A Mother's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shadowhunters aren’t big huggers.” - Isabelle Lightwood, to Clary Fray

Isabelle was envious. Hearing Clary talk about Jocelyn Fairchild - no, Jocelyn _Fray_  - made her envious of the difference between how her own mother treated her and how Clary’s mother treated Clary. It made Isabelle feel, for once in her life, like there was something wrong with how her mother treated her.

Growing up, she had had her mother’s love. Sure, it was expressed differently than what her mother showed her brothers, but she told herself that that was just how love was expressed. Her mother _had_ to be hard on her.

If her mother wasn’t hard on her, Isabelle would be weaker. She had to be _strong_. It wasn’t that long ago when the Clave started allowing females into the ranks of active Hunters. Before, women had only been permitted in menial desk positions, low ranked government posts, behind the scenes collecting information in the least dangerous positions possible. They were viewed as more important to bringing about more Shadowhunters than risking their lives. Within the past twenty years though they’ve slowly been allowing women into more and more dangerous positions. A female inquisitor, more and more female Shadowhunters - her mother _had_ to treat her harshly.

Isabelle needed to be strong. She needed to work harder to prove her worth, her worth to the Clave, as a Shadowhunter, _to her mother_. That’s why her mother treated her differently. Because she had to - she had to make sure Isabelle wasn’t relegated to some menial position in Idris, or in some small backwater Institute in a country nobody’s ever heard of. It wasn’t that her mother didn’t love her, no. It was just that she showed her love differently.

Or, at least.

That’s what she thought until Clary came along.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, in the book "City of Bones", it makes the comment that Isabelle was never taught to cook - this is because Maryse was afraid that had she taught her daughter to cook, Isabelle would have been relegated to kitchen duty rather than being permitted to learn how to fight.


	4. One Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was your job to look after her!" Jace Wayland to Alec Lightwood

_“_ You had _one_ job!” Jace snarled at Alec. “It was your job to _protect her!”_  

“ _And I did!”_  Alec roared back. He _had_  done his job. “I _protected_ her, I _was_ protecting her, what happened wasn’t _my fault!”_

“Oh yeah?” Isabelle was looking between the two, uncertain as to whether she should intervene or not. Her brothers had never gone at it before like this, and she wasn’t quite sure what to do. Probably just let them fight it out - that seemed like the best course of action at this point. “Then what do you call _what just happened?”_

 _“Not my fault!_ ” Maybe she’d intervene when they started getting physical. Or when one of them was about to kill the other, she hadn’t decided yet. This was a fairly novel experience, after all. Alec and Jace never had a confrontation quite like this before.

“ _You left her!”_

 _“I left her in order to protect her!”_  Aaaaand it looked like poor big brother was about to rip his hair out in frustration. “I had _no idea_  her and the mundane were going to get _taken away_  in the _two minutes_ I left them alone!”

“All right, all right, break it up boys.” Isabelle stepped in finally, if only for the sake of Alec’s blood pressure. “Screaming at one another isn’t going to find them any faster.”

At least that was one thing they could all agree on.

* * *

 


	5. Where Are You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are you? Jocelyn! Where are you?!” - Luke Garroway

He had searched for her for years. Ever since the Uprising, ever since the Circle’s fall from power, he had searched for Jocelyn relentlessly. France, Switzerland, England - before moving from Europe, rationalizing that Jocelyn would have wanted to get as far away from Idris as possible. That wiped all of Europe, and possibly Africa, off the map.

Luke tried Japan, South America, Central America, before moving onto the United States.

He never expected to find her in New York City, toting along a four year old child with her. 

He never expected to be protecting her, and little Clary.

He never expected to be trying, and failing, to hide her from Valentine, who was not as dead as they had once thought.

He never thought he would lose her once again.

He took over a wolf pack once. In Idris. Shortly after he Turned, he killed the Alpha responsible for Turning him, and unknowingly became the new Alpha. Now, he took over another one, on purpose.

To protect Clary, the only reminder of Jocelyn he had left. He had to protect her, because it’s what Luke knew Jocelyn would have wanted. Taking over the New York pack of werewolves was just a casualty of trying to protect her and the Shadowhunters she was with.

Last time, he hadn’t been bit by the Alpha, he hadn’t experienced the agony of Alpha venom coursing through his veins. He had seen what it did to victims, but never experienced it. Luke knew it could kill.

It was _hell_.

But, maybe, not so much.

Not if it allowed him to see Jocelyn one last time before it took him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In City of Bones, when Luke tells Clary his story of meeting Jocelyn and Valentine, he says how after his first full moon he tracked down the werewolf responsible for Turning him, and killed him a duel. Because he - and most Shadowhunters - was unaware of Downworld/Werewolf Politics, by killing the Alpha, Luke unwittingly became the leader of one of the Idris wolf packs.


	6. Lap Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You treat him like a lap dog!" - Simon Lewis, to Jace Wayland about Alec Lightwood

Twenty dollars saying that Alec wouldn’t show up.  _Hah._  Twenty dollars saying Alec wouldn’t show up that the mundane would _lose_ , because _of course_  Alec would show up. Sure, Alec was mad at him, but Jace knew that his _parabatai_ would come to help Luke. It was in his _parabatai’s_  nature after all, regardless of how Alec had been behaving lately.

Alec was always the first to put himself in harm’s way in order to protect everyone. Not just himself or Izzy, but _anyone_. Helping people was what Alec did in his own, weird, Law-abiding ways, and he would come to help the new Alpha as well. Sure, he said he didn’t want to interfere with Downworlder affairs, but whenever Jace asked him for help, Alec never hesitated. _Never._

That didn’t mean that Alec was Jace’s _lap dog_  or anything. Jace asked his _parabatai_  for help, _like he was supposed to_ , and Alec helped. It was the whole nature of the bond - when one half needed help, the other provided it. Strength was mutual between both halves, help was available to both halves. So what if Alec never asked for help as much as Jace did? That didn’t mean Jace wouldn’t help his _parabatai,_ it didn’t mean that he treated Alec like a dog on command.

If Alec wanted help, needed it, then all he had to do was _ask._  And Jace would give it. There was no _dog_  comparison. Alec wasn’t a kept pet, and neither was Jace.

Still, there was something about the mundane’s words that struck a chord in Jace. Something that resonated in him that told him that maybe, _just maybe_ , the mundane was on to something between Jace and Alec.

And Jace wasn’t sure if he appreciated it or not.

* * *

 


	7. Keeping Our Culture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Idris cookbook - Given to Isabelle Lightwood, by her father, Robert Lightwood

At first, Isabelle thought it was a silent criticism of her cooking abilities. Her father trying to tell her that she needed help and guidance in cooking. She took offense initially, despite what her father said.

It didn’t take long before Isabelle realized that that wasn’t the case.

Flipping through the pages, it took a bit for it to really set in that what her father gave her was an _Idris_  cookbook. Full of recipes distinct and unique to their people back in the Glass City, around Lake Lyn, all different ones from different parts of their country. Isabelle realized, pouring over the pages, over the different ways of preparing fish, meat, of creating unique  _Shadowhunter type_  breads, that her father never meant offense.

They moved to the New York Institute before she was born. Alec, she was told, had only been a few months old, maybe a year or two. But neither of them ever got the opportunity to visit Idris, or the Glass City. They never saw Lake Lyn, never visited with the relatives they were told lived in Idris. The woods were never something they got to explore as a child, instead they were teens hanging onto every word that came from Jace as he talked about his experiences, his stories precious jewels to starving beggars. Mom and Dad got to go to Alicante, Max got to visit as well _and_  other Institutes, but Alec and Isabelle were _always_ left behind at the Institute.

The cookbook wasn’t meant as an insult.

It was meant, she realized, as a token.

Of the culture they were robbed of, and never got to experience.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't think many people realize that Alec and Isabelle were just as robbed of their heritage as Clary was. Sure, Alec and Isabelle knew they were Shadowhunters, grew up with the training and marks, but they never experienced any of the culture - none of the cooking, none of the festivals, holidays - they didn't get to visit. Jace at least got some of that, and Max definitely received more than his siblings.
> 
> Also, I don't remember if the show really went into detail, but in the books Izzy is horrible at cooking - there is a scene in City of Bones where she's making a fish stew and when she announces dinner's ready, Alec, Jace, and Hodge all deny being hungry until she informs them she ordered in Chinese. Literally she would just need to feed Valentine her cooking and that would be that because it would poison him.


	8. The Other 10%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And I'm sorry - for the other 10%" - Clary Fray, to Jace Wayland

Okay, so when Clary said she had it covered, Jace wasn’t expecting _this._ Granted, it wasn’t like Jace had never been slapped before, but when Clary had said she had a plan, he wasn’t expecting her to almost get him arrested by mundane police.

“You’re lucky Officer Garroway is interrogation right now kid,” One of the officers hauling him out informed him, a tight grip on his upper arm.

“Yeah,” The other agreed, a hand braced on Jace’s shoulder, the other at his elbow. “You got off  _lucky_ \- had he been at his desk when Clary came in, you would’ve got a lot worse than just being escorted out.”

“What,” Jace couldn’t help but quip, “A night in solitary confinement?”

“A restraining order,” Was the deadpan response from the one officer.

“And that’s if Garroway was in a _good_ mood,” The guy’s partner laughed. They reached the doors, and they shoved him towards them.

“Get outta here kid, and don’t hang around that girl anymore if you don’t want to be seeing any of us again.”

Well, that would be a bit difficult, Jace thought to himself, waiting until the officers were out of sight and he was in the clear to put a new  _Glamour_ rune on himself. After all, he laughed as he dialed Alec’s number, they still needed to get those tarot cards - not to mention how there was no way he wouldn’t still be seeing Clary, even after that display in the precinct.

* * *

 


	9. Addict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you on drugs?" - Mrs. Lewis, to her son Simon

Are you on drugs? Was he on drugs? Honestly, it hadn’t seriously crossed Simon’s mind. Well, being on drugs was a better idea than thinking he was turning into a, a, a _vampire_  of all things.

He was scared shitless. Terrified, because he kept hallucinating, kept seeing things that weren’t there, kept seeing _Clary_ , of all people. Drugs though, drugs were the sane explanation. Of course it was drugs, it had to be drugs!

After all, vampires weren’t real. Werewolves weren’t real. Clary’s new friends weren’t demon hunters, weren’t people who did _superhuman_ things.

They were just, just, drug addicts - that’s it! Drug runners, meth dealers, did drugs, sold drugs, that’s what they were. There was nothing abnormal about them. They just, they just got both of them high on really bad drugs. This was all just some bad drug trip. Some coke or meth laced with some bad things causing this all to happen.

After all, people on drugs could do really strange things, like, like break their desks in one hit like Simon did. Drugs caused them to hallucinate. Drugs explained _everything_!

Or, at least, he thought, _almost_ everything.

Drugs couldn’t explain, he realized, why he suddenly had _fangs._

* * *

 


	10. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have til sunset to decide - the clock is ticking." - Raphael Santiago, to Clary Fray, on the subject of Simon Lewis

It was in _her_ hands. The ultimate decision - to let Simon die, his soul damned for eternity, or to eternally damn him in a different way. By turning him into a vampire. 

She knew what she wanted. Obviously, she wanted Simon to stay with her, regardless of what that meant had to be done. If that meant Simon had to be turned into a vampire, then so be it. But what  _Simon_  wanted…

Simon sounded so freaked out in his voicemail message. He sounded like he was terrified out of his wits. Like being a vampire was the _last_ thing he wanted to be. He had been scared senseless, so confused on what was happening to him, so horrified that something was  _wrong._

His options of death were even worse. Stabbing him through the chest, letting him die a human death. Or burying him under the ground for the possibility that he would never claw his way out, and die, starving for eternity. They were terrible options.

But she had to make a choice.

So she did.

“A Jewish cemetery.” Her voice didn’t waver, and she kept her gaze focused on Simon’s body, didn’t look at Jace or Raphael. If she held off on making contact, maybe she wouldn't have to face the reality of her decision just yet. “He _has_ to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. He’s Jewish, and if this is the only burial he’ll get, we’re doing it right, by how he was raised.”

When she finally raised her head to look at the boys, her gaze did not waver.

“You got that? A Jewish cemetery.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think the show went into this in too much detail, but Book!Simon is Jewish. I think they made mention of him having a Bar Mitzvah, but I'm not sure. In City of Ashes (when this arc occurred) Clary wanted Simon buried in a Jewish Cemetery which [spoilers] helped him in certain situations in the books.


	11. Family Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And your parents." - Lydia Branwell, to Alec Lightwood on the subject of past Circle members

His parents were ex-Circle members? Alec couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. 

But he could tell, from how Lydia looked ashamed for revealing the information, and how Luke wasn’t catching his gaze, that it was true. It made sense, it explained _everything_. It explained why they were all the way in New York, running the Institute. It explained why their parents were only allowed to be in the Glass City for meetings. Every holiday they didn't spend with family in Idris, why they never visited the family mansion in the northern countryside. It explained it all.

Their parents were delegated to the New York Institute because they were _exiled_ , just like Hodge. But unlike Hodge, his parents did not have a curse put on them keeping them within the confines of the Institute. That’s why they worked so hard to stay in the Clave’s good graces - because they had fallen out of grace, and they wanted to work their way back out of exile. That's why they so badly desired some sort of marriage between either him or Izzy with another upstanding Shadowhunter family. Because they disgraced the family name by joining the Circle.

Alec wondered, _wondered_ , if there were any other things that his family was keeping secret from him.

* * *

 


	12. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m repulsive! I’m nothing more than a monster.” - Simon Lewis, to Clary Fray upon rising as a vampire

He couldn’t look at Clary. Hell, he couldn’t even look at _himself._  His worst fears had come true _._  He wasn’t human anymore, he was a, a, a _vampire_ for G-

Simon choked, stumbling to a stop in the midst of a darkened part of the forest off from the cemetery. _Dammit_. Apparently not only could he not say the word, but apparently he couldn’t think it either.

Dammit, dammit, _dammit._  This all would have been avoided had he not gone back to Camille and the Hotel Dumort in the first place No - that wasn’t right.

It all would have been avoided had Clary picked up her damn phone, and actually bothered to talk to him, instead of being distracted by those shiny new Shadowhunter friends of her. Had she just talked to him, had they just  _let_ her talk to him, he wouldn't be this, this  _freak of nature_ that he was now.

He was a monster. Plain and simple. A vampire, doomed to walk the night for eternity, with no hope of ever seeing the sun again. His soul, damned for eternity. And all because, what, Clary didn’t want him to die?

He _hated_ her. If it wasn’t for her, Simon wouldn’t be this repulsive thing he now was. If it wasn’t for her _insisting_  on hanging out with Jace and the rest of the Addams Family, they would’ve just been getting ready for another gig with the band, or going to class, or getting drinks with Maureen, or, or, or oror _ororor_ -

Simon wished Clary had just let him _die._

* * *

 


	13. Undead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a monster." - Simon Lewis, to Raphael Santiago ; cw: suicide ideation mentions/implied attempted suicide

It wasn’t the first time someone called him a monster, and Raphael was certain that it wouldn’t be the last time some did either. When he was first Turned, it hurt worse than it did now. Now, he had decades of experience and desensitization under his fangs.

He didn’t consider himself a monster. Not anymore. In the first days, he did. In the first days Raphael had wanted to die, couldn’t stand what he had become. He had nearly succeeded in going through with it, in all honesty. Throwing himself in a patch of bright midday sunlight. Just like the newly Turned vamp that Camille was so happy to provide him with.

But now.

 _Now_.

This vamp was everything he needed to completely overthrow Camille and prove to the Clave that it was just her breaking the Accords, and not the entire coven.

No, Raphael wasn’t a monster. He was the newly-fledged leader of the New York Vampire Coven doing whatever it took to protect his brothers and sisters. And unfortunately, if that meant he had to bear being called a monster from an uneducated fledgling, then so be it. It was a necessary sacrifice, a means to an end.

Really though, he preferred the term _undead._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: at the end, when Raphael refers to Simon as an "uneducated fledgling" he just means uneducated as in he doesn't know anything about vampires/the shadow world.
> 
> Also, the Raphael background stuff is taken from "The Bane Chronicles", from one of the short stories. I don't have my copy on me, but I think it's one of the ones to do with the Hotel Dumort


	14. Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No talking. Only healing." - Isabelle Lightwood, to her brother Alec

Big brother was always _so_ stubborn when it came to healing. Every time he got wounded, it took practically an army to get him to just stay down and _rest._  Always trying to go back into the field right away when what he needed was to lay down and take it easy.

(Haha, that was a joke. Alec, knowing what the phrase “take it easy” meant? Isabelle was certain that he only knew what the individual words meant. Hodge always praised him for being the most intelligent of the three of them, but sometimes he could be so dumb.)

Last time he got injured, it was more serious than his wound from the Forsaken. And last time, big brother managed to not tell anyone until he had nearly bled out because of it, and fought with Jace, trying to refuse healing from his own  _parabatai._  The Angel, Alec was so stubborn. By the time they had got him back to the Institute, she and Jace had had to tie him down to the bed just to make sure he’d stay one day in bed.

Of course, it didn’t work when they had to go out into the field and Alec was still under orders for bed rest. She and Jace had to sneak out when Alec was asleep - not that it worked, that was. Stubborn Alec had managed to get out of the infirmary and managed to get dressed up in his gear and to the doors by the time she and Jace had returned. Nearly unconscious too, from the energy it took to get there undoubtedly, as well as the pain he was probably feeling.

That’s why, when Alec’s phone lit up with a call from Jace, Isabelle answered it instead of her poor big brother. No doubt it was Jace wanting his _parabatai_  to come help with something that Alec would have reluctantly gone off to do because of their oath. And Isabelle couldn’t let her wounded big brother do that. 

After all, he always protected her and Jace, so someone needed to make sure he sat down and remembered to take care of himself.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, and I don't think the show covered it during the first season, but instead of using "God" for things like "By God" or "Goddamnit", as well as in place of some swears, Shadowhunters typically use the expression "By the Angel" or "The Angel". This is in reference to the Angel Raziel who made the first Shadowhunters back in the 1200s.


	15. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All in a day's work." - Magnus Bane, to Jace Wayland and Isabelle Lightwood

Oooh, those two _owed_ him. The Lightwood daughter and the Wayland boy. Doing this for them, and stealing from Alexander - even if he didn’t know, granted, because while he isn’t one to boast, his skills _are_ top-notch - just left a nasty feeling in him.

And then afterwards now, making him lie to Alexander. Yes, yes, he _understands_. Everything for Clarissa, finding Jocelyn Fairchild, figuring out where Valentine Morgenstern is - Magnus understands the theory behind why these baby Shadowhunters are doing everything that they are. All for the good of their Clave, the good of the Downworld.

Honestly, he has never even done so much as protect the _Spiral Labyrinth_ in his time alive, and these children - what are they, fifteen, sixteen? No, wait, Clarissa mentioned college, that means she’s at least eighteen (that meant Alexander  _definitely_  was over eighteen) - these children are risking everything to protect a world that they barely know anything about. Not just Clarissa, but those others as well. With how Shadowhunters teach their children, Magnus doesn’t doubt that none of them know _anything_   of their history - of the Circle, Mortmain and the Dark Sisters. Really, they probably know nothing of Pandemonium, and what it was before it came under different management.

The tale of Hotel Dumort, their own family histories - Magnus has seen the rise and fall of it all, has  _survived_  it all, and he is sure as his father is in Hell that he will survive whatever Valentine tries throwing at everyone this time.

But really, _really_ , making him lie to Alexander? He had been mildly against stealing his  _stele_  simply because there was the chance to get caught, but he could explain his way out of it, but _lying?_  Magnus isn’t sure how he feels about it. It leaves an odd fluttering feeling in his stomach that he is pretty sure is guilt.

Ah, that’s no good. 

He has it _bad_  for this Shadowhunter.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Spiral Labyrinth is essentially the home to a lot of Warlock resources - their magical research and knowledge gathered over centuries of life. Mortmain and the Dark Sisters come from the Infernal Devices, which is the prequel series to the Mortal Instruments, and the tale of the Hotel Dumort comes from The Bane Chronicles.


	16. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Congratulations Alexander." - Magnus Bane, to Alec Lightwood on his engagement to Lydia Branwell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is meant to be seen as sort of a sequel to the previous drabble, but of course you don't need to read that drabble to understand this one!

Well then. He had told the boy to follow his heart, but he hadn’t been expecting _this._ Of course, those were Shadowhunters for you! Getting your hopes up one moment, and crushing them the next.

Really, Magnus had initially gotten that vibe from the boy screaming at him that he was interested. Then again, who _wouldn’t_ be interested in him? He was  _Magnus Bane_ , after all, the High Warlock of Brooklyn.  _Everyone_ was interested in him. (Except Raphael, maybe, but he could go bother off with the rest of his mosquitoes, Magnus thought he was annoying too.)

Ah, well, he should have been more careful. Sexualities were fluid things after all! Thinking you're gay one day, hetero the next, discovering the terms bisexual and pansexual the day after that, having to honor a long standing arranged marriage to a warring kingdom - Magnus was used to it all. Expected it, really. After all, he did have that charm that made people question themselves and what they really wanted.

Magnus had opened his heart to Alexander because he had thought he had him read. Thought, maybe a bit naively, that this was another William Herondale, though less self-destructive and more his type. Interested him in the right way as well. He had thought, ah yes, here is one love who I’ll be able to have a nice lifetime with, and have no regrets. There seemed to be a mutual interest and Alexander definitely wasn’t saying no to his advances.

Yes, Alexander was interested in Magnus, he could tell.

But, apparently, not as interested in _him_  as he was protecting his family name and status. 

_Fucking Shadowhunters._

* * *

 


	17. Things I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Better make a quick exit, before anyone important notices." - Hodge Starkweather, to Jace Wayland and Isabelle Lightwood

Honestly, those brats. They had Hodge shaking his head at them more often than not. Always getting into trouble, ever since they could hold a seraph blade. Really, and their parents thought _Max_  was the troublemaker?

Robert and Maryse didn’t know _half_ of what Hodge let those three get away with over the years when they were away overseas. Target practice with paintings, old fashioned mundane-style trap-making using other Institute personnel as test dummies, dragging home pets asking to keep them, hiding them in Sanctuary and training them when they were told no, playing Hunters and Demons with live weapons - Hodge had an _endless_ list of messes and things that he covered up for those three and let them get away with. He had thought they would get better with age and, in a sense, they did. 

Just not in the way he hoped.

Instead of becoming more responsible, they became better at getting away with things. Better at not getting caught with their rule breaking, better  _at_  rule breaking, better at making Hodge think they were doing what he wanted only to do something completely different right under his nose.

Hodge had thought with the fact that their parents were the Institute Heads that they would be a little more mindful about the rules. Apparently they took that duty as meaning they could get away with breaking rules instead of they couldn’t. And by the Angel were they good at it.

Alec had been his one hope. Hodge had sincerely thought that Alec would be the one to help him keep his siblings in line. Especially considering he and Jace were _parabatai._  There was none better for talking sense into a person than their own  _parabatai._ Unfortunately, it seemed, it was not the case.

No, Alec was just as permissive and folly as Hodge was when raising those three. He was a decent leader of the bunch, and made an excellent acting Institute Head when his parents were out, but he had no way of keeping his siblings in line. When Jace and Isabelle acted, he didn’t try and stop them, just went along, or, in the cases where he _did_  try, he caved at the slightest prodding.

Still, Hodge supposed, he had no one but himself to blame. Had he been a little firmer with their discipline their rowdiness and unruliness wouldn’t have been nearly as bad.

Shaking his head, he sighed internally and headed to stop some other Sadowhunters from catching Jace and Isabelle as they sneaked out of the Institute, thinking to himself,

_The things I do._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game "Hunters and Demons" isn't canon, it's something of my own design. Essentially it's "Cops and Robbers" except more violent. And bloody. Way more violent and bloody.


	18. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come with me."
> 
> "...No."
> 
> \- An exchange between Jace Wayland and Alec Lightwood

He just sat there, staring into nothing, while Jace brushed by, oozing an aura colder than ice.

Alec didn’t care if his _parabatai_   hated him. He didn’t care if Jace didn’t appreciate his decision. He just _did not care._ And why should he? He didn’t have time to deal with Jace’s tantrums. If Jace wanted to throw a fit because Alec didn’t want to go rogue with him like the rest of them that was his business.

He was capable of making his own decisions. He didn’t always do as his _parabatai_   did. Alec’s decisions were his own. _He_  was the one who made them. Not Jace, not Magnus, not Lydia - _he_  did. Anything he decided to do was because he wanted to do it, because _he_  decided it, nobody else.

Jace _had_  to understand that he couldn’t always be impulsive. He couldn’t always be taking things, taking the _Law_ , into his own hands. His  _parabatai_   had to be more careful with his decision making, just like Alec was. Impulse and instinct was good, yes, Alec understood that, but there were times that one had to follow the Law, and it seemed that Jace still didn’t understand that.

Unlike Jace, Alec was perfectly capable of making decisions while thinking rationally. He wasn’t impulsive, he took all angles into consideration before making a move. 

But then why, _why_ was Alec sitting there, feeling as if he had not only made the most impulsive decision in his life, but the worst one as well.

( _But deep down, he knew, he_ knew _, that that wasn’t the worst, most impulsive decision he made. No, that was when he_ stupidly _decided to-_ )

He sat there, on the dirt outside of the City of Bones, and wished things would go back to the way they were before Clary had entered their lives.

* * *

 


	19. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He seems... different." - Clary Fray, to Jace Wayland

Clary didn’t know what she was talking about. This was his _father._ She had never met him, she didn’t _know_  him.

Of course this was his father. Jace knew it the moment he set eyes on him. This was the man that raised him. The man that gave him a hunting falcon, that taught him a lesson he wasn’t soon to forget. Sure, he seemed a bit off, but why wouldn’t he?

He had been _tortured_ , for the Angel’s sake. Held against his will by Valentine for the Angel knew what, of course he was going to seem a bit odd. That didn’t mean it wasn’t his _father._

Still, Jace wasn’t sure why he was so defensive. Why he felt the need to be defensive. He didn’t understand why Clary’s words cut into him like that, made him feel like this _wasn’t_  his father.

This man, he, he, he _looked_ like his father,  _talked_  like his father - who cared if he didn’t act exactly like what Clary thought his father acted? One story of his past did _not_ tell her how his father acted throughout his entire childhood.

But, as much as he wanted to defend his father, Jace had to agree.

Somehow, he seemed… _different._

* * *

 


	20. Law's Injustice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What kind of people sacrifice justice for Law?!" - Isabelle Lightwood, to Lydia Branwell

Their behavior incensed her. They were  _Shadowhunters_ , for the Angel’s sake! What they were meant to do was _protect_. They were supposed to be for justice before _and_ above the Law, not sometimes after it when someone maybe thought of it.

When Jonathon Shadowhunter was granted the Mortal Instruments by the angel Raziel, there was an oath made to protect everyone from demons.

_Everyone._

Not just other Shadowhunters, not just mundanes, but _everyone._  Downworlders included. The vampires, the werewolves, the Fair Folk - no one was supposed to be spared from the shield created by Raziel’s wings to shelter all from demons.

But now.

Now!

Now the Madame Inquisitor and her little attack dog thought they could overlook the one creed they had been mandated by _the Angel_ just to stop a rogue Shadowhunter that they couldn’t keep under control almost twenty years ago. Who cared if she broke the Law in order to protect Meliorn? She was doing her _job._  

Shadowhunters were supposed to protect everyone, whether it was from demons, or other Shadowhunters.

And Isabelle didn’t regret -

would _never_  regret -

protecting Meliorn from her own people.

Not if it meant upholding Raziel’s justice.

* * *

 


	21. Extortion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What shows that you’re willing to make a real sacrifice.” - Magnus Bane, to Alec Lightwood

Did he feel bad about doing this to Alec?

Honestly, only slightly.

After all, after he played with his heart like that, it was only fair that Magnus got to extort him a bit in exchange.

And really! It wasn’t like he was actually  _extorting_  the boy or anything. He wasn’t pushing the little Shadowhunter to give up anything _too_ serious. Magnus simply wanted to test him a little. See if he could break those boundaries of Alec’s.

It was necessary. Alec was _so_ lackluster in his own life, in admitting to what he wanted, the boy needed to know _something_  about himself and his own limitations. And what was better than seeing what Alec was most willing to sacrifice? Knowing what one was most willing to give up told a lot about the type of person they were.

But, it seemed like he had to do  _everything_  around here. Sure, he had magic aplenty to rummage around in Alec’s mind himself to see what the Shadowhunter would give in turn to show he could make a real sacrifice, but in these situations it was always better to see first hand what someone would come up with on their own. What one’s heart said wasn’t always what their mouth vocalized, and it was always interesting to see the discrepancy between the two.

But! He was digressing. The problem at hand was that Magnus had asked _Alec_ what he would give to him to show he was willing to make a real sacrifice, and he didn’t come up with anything. So Magnus had to make a decision for him, and where’s the fun in that when you’re trying to extort someone?

And _honestly_ , what in the name of the Spiral Labyrinth was he going to do with a bow and quiver of arrows?

Ah, well, he supposed he could always take pot shots at the pigeons outside his apartment…

* * *

 


	22. Placement of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, I do, I trust him." - Jace Wayland, to his father Michael Wayland, on the topic of his parabatai, Alec Lightwood

He did trust Alec. _Of course_  he did! Alec was his  _parabatai_ , his other half, the weakness to his strength and the strength to his weakness. It wasn’t a question of _trust_ \- of course Jace trusted Alec! Jace would trust Alec with his life, and he knew that Alec would do the same. They were brothers-in-arms, they had to trust one another in order to work even half as effectively as they did.

But it wasn’t a question of trust. It was a question of _loyalty._

Jace could say he trusted Alec until he was blue in the face, but it didn’t change the facts. And the facts were that the Clave was the enemy, that they couldn’t _trust_ the Clave. They couldn’t let their loyalty lie with the Clave when the Clave was willing to do anything, _anything,_  to get their hands on the Mortal Cup.

The fact was, Alec was siding with the Clave, _not_ with Jace. Not his _parabatai._ The Clave. When all _they_ wanted to do was lock Clary up and use her to find the Cup, not to help her find her mom, to stop Valentine.

It wasn’t that Jace didn’t trust Alec. No.

Jace didn’t trust the Clave. 

* * *

 


	23. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm saying it wasn't what I expected of you." - Michael Wayland, to his son Jace

Right. What he expected of him. Uh. Yeah. Jace should have remembered that.

His father always did have extremely high expectations of him after all. Train a hunting falcon, not make a friend, be the best at this and that. Strict guidelines, strict expectations, and even stricter discipline.

Jace had been raised first and foremost to be a weapon for the Clave. Just like all Shadowhunters. From birth, from the first Rune they were permitted to bear at 11, Shadowhunters were raised to be lethal weapons primed for fighting in order to protect mundanes, Downworlders, one another, and themselves from demons. Michael Wayland had been no different when he raised Jace.

Sure, he might have been a bit stricter than most parents - the Lightwoods had a different training and disciplining style than his father, that was for certain, (though it could also have just been Hodge, who knew) - but that was a difference in families. The Wayland family was different than the Lightwood family, just like they were different from the Branwells, from the Fairchilds, from any other family out there.

Really the only thing ‘similar’ that was enforced between the two families was the fact that their fathers - the fact that Michael Wayland and Robert Lightwood - had been _parabatai_  as well. And while they didn’t suggest or force him and Alec to be _parabatai_  (not that his father could, as at the time he believed him to be dead), Robert Lightwood certainly didn’t _not_  approve when Jace and Alec came forth with their request to be trained and bonded as _parabatai._

It was the only thing that wasn’t ever  _expected_  of Jace. He didn’t do it because he thought his father wouldn’t want him to be  _parabatai_  with his _parabatai’s_  son, he didn’t do it because he thought it was expected of him, Jace did it because he _wanted_ Alec as his  _parabatai._

And, as he apparently learned without his knowledge over his years of living with the Lightwoods, there was one very important thing about expectations he learned with them that his father brought snapping back to the forefront of his mind.

Expectations _sucked._

* * *

 


	24. Momma Didn't Raise No Quitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let him try." - Clary Fray, referring to Valentine Morgenstern

Let Valentine try and kill her. She didn’t care. Clary was not going to go down without a fight, not without putting in a damn good effort to try and save her mom.

She had already come this far to save her. Clary had sacrificed so much, done _so much_ , just to try and find her mom. To save her. So what if there were tons of demons around Renwicks? She had the Cup, she could command the demons if she had to.

Clary _had_  to see this through. She was _so close_  to finding her mom, she couldn’t just give up when they were right there! If they called for back up they would be wasting time. Time that Valentine could be using to do who _knew_ what to her mom.

No. They were going to go in to save her mom, a hundred demons or not. If Valentine wanted to kill her, _his daughter_ , the go ahead and let him try. She wouldn’t go down without a fight, without trying to take him with her.

After all, her momma didn’t raise no quitter.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end of what I had pre-written! So from here on out, our weekly updates are going to be a bit sporadic. This had gone mostly in order for the first season, but any new drabbles between now and Season 2 are going to be out of order. If you have a drabble request, feel free to drop it here or at my tumblr: kixaxstyx
> 
> Regular weekly updates will return in January with the start of Season 2!


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